I chose to walk through the Love Dare book, taking on the challenge to actively express God’s love to another person, when it’s not convenient, fun, or particularly rewarding.  Meeting the challenge for Day 2 took two weeks.  I don’t recall at the moment what the Day 3 challenge is, but lack of a post tells me I didn’t accomplish it.

It turns out, the Love Dare might need to be tweaked a little if one is to apply the principles in a situation that isn’t marriage, or at least roommates.  The word ‘duh’ comes to mind, but the principles are still good ones, many applicable to most relationships.  I’m still convinced that I was supposed to at least start the adventure.  Day 2 was worth it.

There has been a separation, a significant time apart, which we all know does wonders for reducing friction.  I have genuinely prayed for the person, that a time established for refreshment would bring with it a new experience of love and grace that would then overflow to the way this person conducts business.  Many have prayed for us both.

I doubt there will be any apologies, though I’d be pleased to accept them.  Herein lies the key to forgiveness – releasing the matter, and yourself, whether or not the other person(s) ever gain an understanding or respect for your vantage point and the injury they have caused.  Why rehearse painful memories that the other person(s) doesn’t consider, or may not even be aware of?  It has been compared to holding a burning coal in your hand, hoping the other person finds the heat painful.

That being said, there is also wisdom in boundaries.  You don’t have to continue subjecting yourself to the person(s) and/or situation(s) that bring injury.  While you may be locked into a tense situation for a time, you do not have to be controlled by it.  Do what is required, then go your way in peace, relying on your relationship with God to give the affirmation and confidence you need.  The command to forgive doesn’t carry with it the necessity to invite the person to tea.

“But, we’re married…”  Hmm…yes, this does up the ante significantly, and thankfully (!very!) isn’t part of my recent conflict.  Still, as a married person, some portion of your time can be spent on your own pursuits, of God, or literature, crafting or the outdoors, or developing supportive relationships beyond the limits of your household (preferably with the same gender, or with couples).  Oh, and the Love Dare, being written for marriages, would more aptly apply to your case than mine.

The ugliness between us has highlighted several things, been a source of ministry to others, and I have been vindicated and reminded that not all criticism is accurate, no matter what its source.  As with any other challenge, I have grown stronger, wiser, and closer to God.  That makes it worth it, and frankly, there’s no foreseeable scenario where I would have to cross paths or swords with this person again.  That’s a reason to give thanks.